WEEKLY PHOTO CHALLENGE : INDULGE

Sacri-French-Licious, Rum-FreeBananas Foster (Mother Post)

Recipe @ Link Above

Freezing and Roasting Turnips

Keeping fresh, delicious winter produce for a nice change of pace in the summer months is easy as 1-2-3.  In this case, Turnips. Turnips are high in fiber, riboflavin, and other nutrients like vitamins C, E, B6,  folic, and pantothenic acids, as well as copper. Indeed they are a starchy food, as they are a ground root, but contain less than 1/3 the calories as an equal amount of potatoes. They are also a great source of potassium, thiamin, magnesium, and niacin. So, how do you keep a mess of fresh, tasty Turnip roots until next years winter garden begins  putting them on the table?

Hotel Canuuk-I-warnedya,Eh? “For The Hook”

As Our Story Begins, we find our mild mannered Captain Bell-Hook assisting   hotel guest as they arrive at the front desk. He politely spiels to the arrivals, a congenial run down of the hotels lay-out, dinner menus, and basic orientation.

As most any day at hotel Canuukiwarned-ya, while there are  a “Few”cheerful paying customers at the desk, the usual heel-hounds  scurry about, sniffing out ways to stiff the hired help, thereby saving themselves a few dollars out of pocket change. Apparently, when some folks decide to stay in a ritzy, better than average hotel spending more on a room for a night than last months rent, they think everything else should be included in the bill.

So, as Captain Bell-Hook seemingly appears preoccupied assisting other guest, little “Chip-Off-The-Old-Skin-Flint” pulls the “make eye contact with mommie dearest” diversion, as dad makes off with the luggage cart  in attempt to save himself $3.00 bucks.

This being the oldest trick in the Gratuity Gangster Game, ole dad chuckles, thinking lil flint slips the bags unnoticed right under Captain Bell-Hook, and the entire hotel staff’s noses.

As the morning progress’s,

the same old shell-games pass numerously, erroneously believed shielded just beneath the staff’s line of vision daily, and all goes on as planned. Just another beautiful morning for the Bellmen, whom we all know would rather be at work, waiting on visiting yuppy, tight wadded transients and their families, than to be at home serving their own.

Around 10:30 A.M. while the hotel lobby thinned out a bit from the hustling crowd, the phone buzzes for service from a room on the ground floor.    Bzzzzz!!!

“Front desk, Hotel Canuukiwarned-ya, Hook speaking, how may I help you”?

A squeaky elderly female voice on the other end squelches out the words: “Young man, I need you to come and repair my microwave oven”. “Okay ma’am; What seems to be the trouble with it”?  “Well”.   She retorts, “If I knew that I wouldn’t need you to come and fix it”. “Now would I”?  “Ah, no ma’am, I suppose you wouldn’t”. ”I’ll be right there ma’am”.

Just as Captain Bell-Hook hangs up the phone, this little aberration appears in front of the desk, as the sound of giggles, and occasional squeak of a luggage dolly is heard down the left corridor. “Are you gentlemen doing any hiring today”? Little miss bell-booby asked. Bell-Hook, knowing this was just an apparition conjured up via the evil-spirit, ”Red-Herrinnymphus”  by another team of gratuity gluttons, left the desk manager to deal with it, and headed down the right corridor toward the old lady with the microwave issue, purposely choosing not to look left, not wanting to see the inevitable escaping caddy-cart.

As the lady shut the door after inviting Bell-Hook in to take a look at her microwave, the Hook turns and informs the lady; “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but, this is not a kitchenette room, and I will have to take your microwave back to the front desk with me”.  After years of pursuing his career as a professional service person, Bell-Hook thought he had heard every slandering stream of belligerent, belittlement’s known to man…

But, he was wrong.

As he made off down the hall with granny fiery-dart’s flash cooker, he turned to let her know she could pick it up at the desk upon checkout. Unfortunately, he turned just in time to see her fling her evil toaster towards his head with the force of a forward motioned wrecking ball, and never got the words out of his mouth before being eaten alive.

The toaster rolled down the hall end over end at  breakneck speed, before finally coming to rest at the lobby entrance, and spit the Bell-Hook out all warm and toasty.

I said the toaster spit him out all warm and toasty..

I said the toaster spit him out…

well, okay,.. maybe it didn’t spit him out after all,  which means of course, the story now must take a turn in the …

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Oh, there he is;

As Captain Bell-Hook’s assistant, “Big Bell-O-Mac”, saw what was taking place he quickly grabbed the phone to call police for obvious needed assistance, as by now little old microwave lady’s granddaughter had arrived at the scene, quite livid at Bell-Hook for taking grannies microwave. Big Bell-O-Mac had barely gotten the word; “Hello” into the phone, when the granddaughter gouged a 10 inch syringe into his leg, pumping in 800 units of green pectin, instantly turning him into a huge pile of mindless jello.

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Needless to say, this was about as much as Bell-Hook could take. Still steaming from the toaster oven, he thought better of popping-off and blowing his top all over the place. Instead, as if delivered by some unseen force, a plan to calm everyone down, and get things back on an even keel instantly came to his mind. He remembers thinking to himself; ” I  couldn’t have come up with a better plan if it were written specifically to me on the back of a Crunch Berry box”. While scooping up the plate of lime-jello, that was once his friend, and co-worker, and placing it gently into the mini-fridge behind the front desk, he tells the granddaughter of the oven smuggler she could take the microwave back up to her room.

Once the young lady left, he immediately began tracking the room numbers of all the tip- stiffing, cart stealing, appliance poaching, skin flint guest that had crossed his path since he arrived earlier that morning. He then called them all one by one, informing them it was now 11:45, and seeing as they had been such affable, gracious paying customers, the hotel was treating them to a special “Free-Lunch”  in the restaurant on the second floor.

Never being ones to miss out on a free-lunch, everyone was in the lobby, and ready to go upstairs before the clock chimed high-noon. Exuberantly giddy, in expectation of a free meal, Captain Bell-Hook had little trouble getting them all to pack into the same elevator, ready to ship off in minutes.

“Going Up”?

No sooner than the doors of the elevator closed, Hook was in and out of the phone booth, faster than a silver bullet can kill a vampire, completely transformed from the lowly, mild- mannered Bellman, everyone knew and loved, into  “Captain, You’ve Been Warned,”!!! slammed the joy stick that released the trap-door- floor of the elevator open, sending all aboard plummeting rapidly into the abyss.  A place that no one knows, not I,  not the Hook, not “Captain You’ve Been Warned”, or even the hotel establishment…No one knows where…this place is not even…

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…Okay, it’s …somewhere in Siberia…

…

All seemed to be going well the rest of the afternoon, till suddenly, both front glass doors of the hotel were blown in through the lobby at the speed of light. The sudden explosive sound of shattering glass sent patrons fraying across one another, sprawling to the floor, just in time to keep from being ripped, tattered, and torn by millions of lightning speed shards of sparkling glass. To the Hook, who was now peering out from his crouched position, behind the front desk, it looked like some sort of diamonds storm- shot out from a massive cannon.  What was to come through the door next, however,was even more bone chillingly frightening to the Hook, as it was none other than Arch- Nemesis of Captain You’ve Been Warned, herself,              “Paula Deen”!!!

Hook was shaken even more upon learning from the blood curdling question the low country cook screeched, that the little old microwave lady was apparently Paula Deans granny too…

“Where’s my little microwave cooking granny y’aaaall…wut heff  y’all done withh har”? 

Looking over at the Hook, and realizing he was actually Captain “You’ve Been Warned” in a Bell Hop uniform, she screamed; “Why you yellow belly grandma hatein, non-donut eatin scandrawl you, when I git my hands own y’aaall I’m a – gonna sop you up with some maple sir-rip, and eat you alive mister”!!!

By now the news of Paula Deen’s arrival, and intentions to devour the Hook, had reached Mrs. Hook, otherwise known as “Vampire Lover”,  who spread her wings and flew in like an F-22, Stealth Raptor, in hopes to help her husband. She knew even with the assisted super powers of  “Captain You’ve Been Warned” the Hook was no match for the Krispe-Kreme-Burger-Queen by himself.

Swooping in, The Vampire Lover took hold of the Apple – butter, lard Queen , latching onto her neck, and with just one bite collapsed to the floor, an apparent victim of  instant diabetic comma.

The Hook went completely ballistic…  Reaching behind him with both arms, and swinging back around in one fluid motion, letting go of the object he’d grabbed with such a force it took out two stress bearing columns from beneath the ceiling before slamming into Deen, the Low Country Brawler Queen. Suddenly there was a massive explosion, as the entire ground floor of the hotel was coated and filled from ceiling to floor with oozing green slime. In through the holes where the two glass doors once stood, the wind blew fiercely, forming an air pocket. The green slime began to harden, as  squishy, gurgley, popping sounds came from smaller bubbles lining its walls as they burst. Suddenly, one of the smaller bubbles popped sending something flying across the hotel and slamming into the far wall which had already hardened its green slime covering into something the consistency of Super-Ball rubber. The thing shot from the bubble bounced at a high rate of speed from wall to wall, back and forth across the entire span of the hotel lobby at least 20 times like a pin- ball in a rubber room. Suddenly, sticking straight out like an arrow shot from Robin Hoods bow, it came to a vibrating stop, when it stuck into the left

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butt cheek of Paula Deen, who in turn fell across the Vampire lover with such a crushing impact that all the air came rushing out of the Vampire Lover, kick starting her breathing again.

As the slime hardened into a buoyant, bouncy, rubbery, cocoon, kids, and adults alike poured into the lobby from all directions, jumping up and down, whooping and laughing, and bouncing around like they were in some sort of a kids inflatable moon-walk castle or something.

Just then, as the Hook cleansed the remaining slime off the thing shot out of the bubble, enough to realize it was his buddy, and co-worker, Big Bell-O-Mac, Paula Deen turned and said;

“Hey, Wut wus that thang you stuck in my laft butt cheek”?

A little reluctant, Big Bell-O-Mac, shrugged, and said…“Erm, it was this 10 inch syringe that crazy niece of yours stuck me with earlier”.

“Hum”.    Deen said.  “I don’t thank I’ve felt this good in three yee-ahs, Ya’ll”.

By now the place had filled with emergency crews, paramedics, firemen, policemen, and even a doctor or two.

“Mrs. Deen, I was a guest on your show a while back”. “Here, let me have a look at you, make sure you’re okay”.  A thin, pale looking lady said.

“Oh, I’m fine Dr. Wilma “.  Deen Said. “Other than the diabeatus thang, I thank I feel better than I have in yee-ahs”. “And by the way, fancy a meetin you here.”

“Yes”. The young lady doctor said. “It is quite the coincidence”. ” Now, let me drawl a little blood from you, and see what effect that stuff  in the syringe may have had “.

“Hmm, Mrs. Deen”. The doctor said after examining the blood on a few strips of Litmus paper, and running it through a hand held meter a few times. “I don’t see any sign of your diabetes, I think you’ve been completely healed”.

“Hehehehe!!! Did Ya’ll hear thaet”? Dean exclaimed. “I’m heaaaald”!!!

“Ya’ll need to bottle that stuff up and sell it as a meeracull quewer or something, ya’ll, in fact…I’m takin a buh-ckit of it home with me and bake me some green cakes, heheheee.”

So, along that time the Hook looks up at the clock on the wall and says to Mrs. Hook. ” Well, babe…it’s quitting time. Time for the shift change. Let’s go home”.

As they strolled arm in arm toward what used to be the front door of the hotel, Hook stops in his tracks upon hearing the chime of the elevator just as it comes to a stop in the lobby. The doors open, and inside stood eight, familiar looking, dirty, half frozen, faces gazing furiously back at him. “What now”? Asked the Vampire Lover. Hook looked at his wife through eyes half glazed over from fright and surprise, and half squinted from holding back the urge of bursting out laughing and says:                                                               

                                        ….>>>”RUN”!!!>>>

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                                   Now back to my favorite pass-time:

Braised Country Style Ribs

Nothing beats a slow cooked piece of pork on a cool October day.

Oh well, with the temperature outside still @ 87 degrees Fahrenheit at 5 o’clock in the evening in mid October…I guess one out of two ain’t bad.

UPDATE:

I actually started this post back in October, ( just before as some of you may remember my computer crashed ) and saved the draft with just this one searing of the meat photo.

That really burns my Veloute…But, The show must go on!!!

So, I have no further imagery of this delectable dish on the current computer, however, I did thankfully add the beginning stage photo before hitting “Save Draft”..And, quite frankly I felt the need to make a quick post tonight, so, thank God for  “Small Miracles”. They usually are the best blessings of all, though I sadly over-look, or forget them all too often and just as quick.

So anyway. As memory serves, I seared these chubby chops slowly in a garlic/rosemary infused extra virgin olive oil, (after lightly dusting them with a mixture of  2 parts all-purpose flour,  1 part Italian bread crumbs, and  1 part instant mashed potatoes ).

I know it seems all I cook is pork, as it has been two months since I started this post, but, believe me…I cooked a chicken or two since then. Also a few Rib-Eye Steaks, but to be honest I probably lived mostly from breakfast food  (My Favorite) or pastrami and rye, or some Reuben, or Reuben Burger combinations, my second favorite by the way, (one day maybe I’ll disclose my personal recipe for the best Reuben Cole Slaw this side of Moscow)…But, NOT TODAY!!!

Oh man…I need a photo image here…I’m JONESING for my lost photos of this meal!!!

But, since a picture speaks a 1000 words, there’s really no reason for me to drag this out all night trying to – with a mere 120 characters…So, I’ll borrow someone Else’s picture to show you what I felt like my dish turned out to look and taste like..Yeah, that’s the ticket…

Follow The Star In You (Human Beings Are, they don’t wait to be)

Lot’s of work this life. Especially when one chooses work over life.

Lot’s of choices. The ones that count for us are the ones God planned ahead of time…And not the ones others choose for us.

When we follow what others choose, it’s because we haven’t made a choice.

How tiring life is when we are following someone else’s dream and not our own.

Where are you headed ? Where do you want to be? From experience, I suggest being there now…and not make it a destination to meet…

Live your dream. Plant both feet.

Life is short…live it now.

Are you a musician at heart? Sing. Are you a Chef? Cook.

Are you a human being?

Humans are…they don’t wait to be…

Go,.. Be now. Be at peace,..Cause work unto the Lord…

Is not a 4 letter word…

It’s peace.

Be!!!

And be at peace.

Oh Shucks..I think I finally did it.. I’m back online…I think?

THANK GOD THANK GOD THANK GOD!!!After a week of working on this thing, I think I’m back online….

But then… Who the Hell Knows!!!

PLEASE STAND BY!!!

Possibly My Most Well Written Post/Poem Ever… WHITE NOISE

Rosemary, Roast, and Ramsay

Just after posting my last, (Apparently Controversial) Post…My computer informed me that it had a bug, and was taking a dive…It did, and now two days later, and the third computer for this year, I am posting an entirely different type of “Pork Spending”  Roast.

Needles to say, as I discovered my computer was dieing  just as I was preparing this one, I was not feeling all that high on the hog. So, with no immediate consoling thoughts of getting back online anytime soon, I didn’t bother to take any finished product photos of the meal.

As far as a long, descriptive recipe or how to  instructions, there is probably not a lot I can tell you that the photo doesn’t already show. And as for how good it looked, and tasted when I took it out of the oven, I guess you’ll just have to trust me when I say, it was no pig in a poke. In fact, we thoroughly enjoyed it, despite weighty thoughts of a roasted computer. It actually took my mind off of my loss, at least as long as I was rooting around cooking, and eating the dish.     As I said the photo pretty much speaks for itself, though for the sake of a new blog entry, I will try unearthing, and walking you through the meat and potatoes of porky’s preparation. And, please forgive me if I tend to grunt a little, as I am working with a much slower computer than I had two days ago. But, thankfully, you didn’t have to listen to all my squealing prior to getting this pig of a computer out of the pin, and back online.

Here goes:

This little Piggy went to market:This little Piggy->                            Tried to roamThis little Piggy took my money->

And this little Piggy, he de-boned ->

And, of course, that’s when this little Piggy went Wee Wee Wee….

All The Way Home ->

I  know. Disgusting, right?

So,  Obviously, as pictured, I didn’t hog tie this one with any Kitchen Twine. Nor did I sear it. I just took my frustrations about my computer out on the roast by running it through with my, Gordon Ramsay pig sticker ( just kidding, I couldn’t even afford one of his cheap K-Mart knives if I wanted to after buying the new computer)…And sandwiched four sliced open cloves of garlic between two celery sticks, and slipped them through the hole.

I then threaded a few stems of fresh rosemary through the bore as well. Next I greased the pig in Olive Oil, perched it on a platform of carrots, celery, and onions, showered it with cracked black pepper, kosher salt, smoked paprika, and onion powder, and tucked it all in with chunks of white potatoes, and onions. After it was in, roasting at325 Fahrenheit for 45 minutes or so, I sliced up a scallion, sprinkled it over the top, squeezed the juice of half a lime onto it, and put it back into the oven for 10 minutes more.

I’ll admit, I am a little porked at myself for not taking any “After” photos…but, I guess you’ll have to use your imagination as how it turned out, and how delicious it was…Or, you could cook yourself one.

Oh, and I’ll be taking off to K-Mart to buy one of every model of Gordon Ramsay’s cook ware and appliances…When Pigs Fly

Well, that’s my pork spending, pig sticking, rump roasted pig-tale, and I’m sticking to it…

Oh, I might add, and admit, I did go to K-Mart to check out, hotdog, Gordo Rambo’s new line of  cookware…And though I salute his affordably priced marketing savvy, in this piggish economy, to be  frank, it all looked like a bunch of Stainless Steel electro-plated Easy Bake Oven stuff to me. Well, guess I’ve grunted about enough for one post…

Oink Oink!!!

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Seven Links, Seven Post, Seven Blogs

I found a link back in one of my comment sections yesterday simply stating; ” You’ve Been Tagged” The link was from, Jamie Anne, @ Dash of Domestic.   I’m not sure that it is required, though as it not only is a great way to showcase, and spread a little exposure to some otherwise, all but forgotten post, and provides for a rather quick and interesting “New Post” in these busy times, I’m passing the challenge on to 7 other people in the “bloggerhood“.

Oh, I just re-read the challenge  standard at Dash of Domestic, and there are only 5 suggested recipients for me to “Tag”. But, I like the number 7… So, 7 Post, 7 Links, and 7 of you will soon be tagged to do the following:

List and showcase 1 post for each of these categories, and then pass the challenge on to 5 …or 7 other bloggers:

• #1 Your Most Beautiful Post (in your opinion)
• #2 Your Most Popular Post ( per stat views)
• #3 Your Most Controversial Post ( per reality)
• #4 Your Most Helpful, or “How To” Post
• #5 Your Most Surprisingly Popular  Post
• #6 Your Post That Didn’t Get the Attention It Merited.
• #7 Your Magnum Opus ( post you are most proud of  )

Here are my selections:

#1 Most Beautiful Post= “Shannon’s Song“ A song I wrote based on a true story of a little girl who’s mother and  father were on the Maury Povich Show, back in 2001. The little girl sadly, was in the hospital in dire need of a specific chromosome that only her biological father could produce to save her life. The man Shannon, knew as her daddy since she was born was tested on the Povich show, and along with the Mother, Maury, Me, and I am sure Millions of other viewers, was shattered, and melted into a puddle of disbelief and tears, at Maury’s words;” Joe, you are Not the father“. I never heard anything more of what became of poor little “Shannon“, but, as the mother, who admittedly had been so promiscuous prior to settling down with Joe, had no idea of how many men she had been with, nor how to contact any of them, the prognosis was not good by the end of the program. How? You are probably asking, can I possibly choose this as my “Most Beautiful” post. Simply, by the time I prayerfully finished writing “Shannon’s Song” I had the most beautiful feeling of peace, in that, if the identity of Shannon’s real daddy was not discovered, I know, Shannon’s real Father, and Creator, took her home to be with Him.

#2 Most Popular Post= “Who’s the Real Pawn Star Here”?

Based on what turned out to be the “History Channel’s” most popular TV series to date.

#3 Most Controversial Post= “What Time Is It“?

#4 Most Helpful Post= Roll the Stone Away  (Actually an 8 part series) 

# 5 Surprisingly Successful Post =”Victory met defeat though her discovery promises a victorious sweep“.   A Nautical Tale of the English, 1737 shipwreck of the HMS Victory:   with 247 views within hours after posting it.

# 6 Post That Didn’t Get The Attention It Deserved=   RECIPE: 2 cps Buster Keaton, 2 cps Bill Nye, 3 cps Joel Robuchon: 1.blend, 2.roll onto pan, 3. bake: ‘”Voila’” 1 “Alton Brown”

 

# 7 Post You Are Most Proud Of = Okay, I Have To Break The Rules And Post 2 Here:

 History=Colony Lost From The Start 

Poem= From Just Outside  Of Time

And Now The Seven Lucky Bloggers Are:

Dribblingpensioner

Kate Shrewsday

Bodhirose’s Blog

Nurse Myra

Zumpoems

Selma in the City

The Hook

Make that 8!!!

The Water Witches Daughter

Number 9 Number 9 Number 9…

Laughing Housewife

10 is a good number!!!

Baking With Sibella

11 is almost heaven…at least, it’s dancing with the stars

Adeeyoyo

What the heck I can’t leave Cindy Out, even if she is rushed with traffic, let alone Gordo Rambo. Number 12 is the perfect Governing Number of the Universe!!

The Only Cin

Thirteen was always my lucky number…

From the Pews

14 is 7 x 2 =   KitchensGarden

15? = Take a Picture…it’ll last longer….

Photographyofnia

God Is So Good!!!

This Is Not My Home

#17 A great place to learn new South of the boarder, and Panamanian recipes: and a new blogger friend ( Blue Jelly Beans )

#18, the more the merrier… =  fostercitynewblog

#19 Trapperhoney from West By God Virginia ( currently known as Ink Yarn and Tears)

Honey, Lime, Super-Chicken

I started this one by searing both sides of the “Monster” sized leg quarters I found bagged at the market last week. They must be feeding these guys way too many steroids  ( not that any amount is less than too many) as one leg alone was as big as Foghorn Leghorn,spread eagle on a family vacation beach trip. I'm talking Serious Super Chickens !!! But,though,

I don't recall the exact per pound price,I do know it was one sweet chic of a deal. 

I first accommodated old Leghorn with a rub down of garlic infused extra virgin olive oil suntan lotion, and seduced  him with a nice lime toddy squeeze.

He, already basking in the saliferous, nebula of sun, and sea salt, was none the reluctant. By now the cracked black pepper, thyme, and cilantro rub-down went un-squawked. I slowly pulled the skin above his thigh, and stuck a chubby clove of garlic between the fleshy fold. Instantly, Foghorns breathing winged rapid. His succulent pores opened, and closed, as his gasping vesicles sucked savory, zephyrous, Vidalia …      SNAP OUT OF IT Cindy…this is Foghorn Leghorn I’m talking about, NOT Gordon Ramsay!!!!!

So there I was…

Just me  ,.. a stainless steel stew pan, and foghorn leghorn…I seared him, speared him, and stuck him in a 350 degree Fahrenheit oven…And Voila … ( Incidentally, Any Pan Straight From the Stove Top Is Safe to Penetrate the Oven up to 350 degrees Fahrenheit, though I don’t recommend Teflon Coated Pans)  30 minutes later I slathered him in a honey, thyme baste, and laid him back into the oven, 15 minutes before I ate him like a starving  pigmy from New Guinea-chickenville. The whole thing lasted about an hour.

Paul-Willis-©-2011

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