“ALL’S WELL THAT ENDS WELL” or, just who is this chuckecheese ?

After surfing through and reading many of your wonderful WordPress blog entries  on the super information speedway,  I spent the rest of last night trying to integrate my outlook express into my regular email account.  Wow, what a job that turned out to be. That my friends, was not speedy at all. In fact, as the ensuing tale will reveal, it was downright frustrating.

I have spent a few years on my social website, either having to go to another window to retrieve the individual member’s email addresses, and then to another window, or tab, to send them a message through my regular email account, or, do what I have more recently resolved to do  and that being to just send an email blast =     (corporate generic message ) out to all the members. For some reason outlook express would work  fine collectively,  just would not send a message to one individual email account at a time.

This worked out fine for me, I thought. Instead of going to all that trouble for one email,  I would just  send a message out to all my members at one time, thereby not having to stop what I was doing to open other windows,  copy, paste, and yadda, yadda,  out one individual message. Ingenious solution, I kept selling myself,  except, of course, for the gnawing realization that I was  spending  more than double the time that I was saving, by having to respond to inbox inquiries from members, whom the generic message did not apply to asking me;   What in the chuck E cheese are you talking about?

In retrospect, I think  I was less bothered by having to explain the obvious than I was by the emphatic possibility that they may not have even been referring to an erroneous message  I  had sent them when they posed that question.

So, there I was going through the tedious process of trying to follow a 13 step procedure given to me by the third Online Chat Technical Assistant, at my Internet Providers support center,  (All three of whom had shut the chat window down on me before I was able to copy the steps )  while juggling between the other two windows required to be open to complete the process.  Along about that time  I received two messages from my website members,              ( probably more cheese chuckers) and a comment on one of my WordPress entries.     Suddenly, a — Well, this is embarrassing—) shut down balloon pops up on my screen from firefox,   and …well you probably  know the rest of that story.

But,  I’m going to tell it to you anyway. So, after pushing the thirteen recommended, or required bits of info into my outlook express account window step by step, at least, a dozen times, and still receiving the same error report, I decided to give ONE more Online Chat technical assistant a chance to help me out.  Surprisingly, however,  he declined my generous offer. Instead, I  got a message saying: Due to the in-depth technical complexity of this particular issue, I will have to avert you to our Technical Assistance department @ 1-800-YOU-KNIT )               ( emphases added  )

Wait a minute, I thought. Technical Department? Didn’t I just click  the tab on my internet providers technical support page, which read ( Live Online Technical Support) for the blah-zillionth time? I  felt like melting down into a liquid and flowing through the internet connection and short-circuiting the entire cyber-world of internet at that moment. Not only because I thought I had done everything precisely as the 13 step print out… (by this time) … had directed me to do, but also because of the fact, that  in the process of responding to the comment on one of my WordPress  postings, I  found that some of  the photographs, ( which I had  loaded directly to the posts from my regular email account) had vanished from the WordPress blog page entries, due to the fact that …NOW,  not only could I not send an outgoing email from my outlook express account, but, all of my regular email account’s content  had been sent to the outlook express account.

Now hold on!!!  I thought;   this guy has got to be joking me.  I am not about to have invested this much time in a chat room which is claiming to be part of the technical support service in which I am paying for, and not have any better results than I have right now. In fact, I am worse off than I was when I began the whole thing, seeing as how, when I  asked him earlier about how I could retrieve my

email contents from the outlook express,  in which I can still not make a server connection from… He responded, “I’m sorry sir, we are not at liberty to advise you on a Microsoft issue.”  What???  Okay, that did it. I was determined then — yes sir buddy!  I don’t know what this guy is thinking, but, one thing was for sure; I told myself. There are OTHER chat reps where he is located. I  knew this as I had already received the same 13 step procedure for setting up outlook express through my regular email provider from two other technical support reps before I wound up getting this guy. There is no way I told myself, (as I clicked on the Live Chat Technical Assistance tab on my internet providers home page) that I am going to be calling any technical department to get this thing resolved. That’s the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Simply out of the question.

So, there I was, listening to ( Aunt Betty )  asking me the same recorded question over, and over, again to an upbeat bass guitar ensemble tune, that sounded like it was recorded live in a Walmart parking lot by Speedy Gonzales and the chipmunks: Have you signed up for our Premium Gold Technical Support Package Yet? For only $14.00 dollars extra a month, you could be receiving help from our  live 24 hour certified professional expert technical support team, about any and all of your computer needs, regardless of the make model, name brand or operating systems. Lady, I  retorted, ( as if she could actually hear me)  I have put this call off now for over a year, and I am listening to the same recording I heard the last time I called over a year ago, instead of an expert technical assistant, for the Internet Providers technical support that I already AM paying for—I hardly think I want to send you $14.00 dollars more a month just to hear your lovely voice…  Aunt Betty!!!

I’ll  have to admit that even though I knew it was a bit of  a subliminal pacifier, I was pleasantly relieved by the occasional interruptions with another ever-so-unpopular recording stating that:  All of our technical support agents are busy assisting other customers at this time, please continue to hold, and one of us will be with you as soon as possible. Of course, after going through three or four cycles of all these things taking place, I was certainly NOT pleasantly relieved when I suddenly hear nothing but a Dial Tone disconnect on the other end of the line.

The second time around was different, however. After listening to Aunt Betty, and the Speedy Gonzales ensemble so long that I had drifted off into deeply detailed thoughts, (enough to plan all of next years vacation check-points, deadlines and arrival dates)  I was  suddenly startled

from my semi-hypnotic state by a real live human voice only to realize that I had momentarily forgotten what I had called about. Not to worry, though, as it wasn’t until after composing myself and my thoughts enough to

stutter out the detailed nature of my technical issues and reason for calling, that she informed me that she was only an operator, and could direct my call over to the,  oh so elusive Technical Department.

So, once again, there I was,  listening to Aunt Betty, and the chipmunks when suddenly it happened…Again!!!   Beep, beep, beep,… Dial tone disconnect… Well, they say that the third time’s the charm, and after experiencing much of the same pre-programmed failsafe delay mode, I’m sure that you would agree that anyone in my situation would be elated to hear a husky sounding live male voice, with no background music accompanying it, interrupting good ole Aunt Bettie’s      ( by now repugnant)  spill.    Not that I am implying  that only men make good technical support representatives, please understand. In fact, as was evidenced by this pleasant interim of  a deep voice on the business end of a call to a telephone/internet provider;  Not all men who answer internet provider’s telephone calls, are indeed internet technical support technicians either.

Nope, without as much as an, “I’ll be your receptionist tonight”, before, or after asking me: “HHow can I  be of assistance to you tonight?” Or even as much as a hint cluing me into which Department, he was assigned to ( although he answered the phone using the internet technical department greeting) until AFTER I went through with pretty much all of the same elucidation of my dilemma, which  I had already poured out to the first human voice I had heard in what seemed like days, did he let me know that he was not from the internet support department, but, he would be happy to direct my call over to them.

_Whoa, you’re not an internet technician either? I quickly implanted, miraculously before he hit the infamous ( Aunt Betty and the Speed-bumps ) button. “Why, no. He said. I’m actually a telephone line repairman, I’ll be happy to help you in that department if you have any issues there…chuckle chuckle ” — Ah, well, as a matter of  fact,  I said.  There is a small issue that I am

having in your area of expertise.  You see,  I  keep calling my telephone company, which keeps putting me on hold, and even picking up on occasion, telling me that they will redirect my call,  to keep me from becoming completely discouraged,  I am sure, which is very courteous of them.  The problem that I seem to be  having though sir,  I believe may be an easy on/off  “Switch” within my telephone line…which inevitably directs my call to the infamous dial tone, busy signal disconnect mode…do you think you could repair that problem in my telephone line for me. “Why yes. I can help you with that situation.”  He squelched, joyfully. “Just give me a moment here” — and suddenly —

I heard angels, trumpets, harps, and lair—while visions of rainbows,  butterflies,  and marshmallow clouds filled the air, and my deepest, most inner parts of  —okay,  yeah, that’s a little melodramatic, but, I did hear a very pleasant voice which to- be honest all had been thus far. Even Aunt Betty’s, on the other end of the phone saying:  “Hello, this is Marcus,  from the internet technical support DEPARTMENT, of your internet provider, how may I assist you tonight?”  Why you can just imagine my overwhelming blissful state of mind at that very moment, I am sure.

Okay,  I wasn’t really all that upset, you know, back when I was chatting with the “Technical Assistant”  at the online Chat Support.    I mean, as we all know, when it comes to this sort of thing,  patience is a virtue,  and virtue builds character.  Also,  to be honest, based on past experiences with other online, add and remove,..   set-up,..  follow the yellow brick road, one step at a painstaking time,  fix- it,  operations, of the many that I have been through,  I had resolved early in this fiasco, that it was very likely that it was ( I ), and not them, who had done something wrong, which had  kept my outlook email program from working.    Quite possibly, I  just wasn’t holding my pinkie right.

But, turns out according to the technical representative, from the highly elusive,(Technical Support Department) of my online provider, it wasn’t my mistake at all.  Which is probably  the most surprising realization  in this entire conundrum.  (to me anyway ) Apparently, what had  caused my outlook express email program to not function in accordance with my Embarqmail account, was  that the online technical assistance  Chat department had  been given the (Century Link) protocol by the company, and assumed that        ALL            Embarq ( local Sprint) accounts had already been changed over to the new Century link email addresses, yadda yada…Go figure…so.

In the end, just as the headline of this post reveals, all is well, that ends well. Oh, and as far as the  members of my website, who were, and still are at my utmost concern regarding this issue,  prompting  me to take the time to integrate my two email providers into one  private message, personal outbox sending machine, well, I believe that they will all be appreciative of the time and effort that I have  put into resolving this issue.

I did take the time to send out the FIRST email to one of the last members in which I had previously sent an evasive message, which was certainly only intended for one certain person, and definitely not intended for — blip. ( name withheld to protect the innocent ) Of course,  I already sort of figured that she would be understanding about the whole thing. Her response by the way was:

What in the chuck E cheese….are you talking about?


1 Comment

  1. I’m laughing SO hard!! Not AT you, of course. Bro, you have so much more patience than I do, so Kudos! And you’re hilarious–what a find! I have to limit my attempts to secure technical help–I get really ugly and homicidal too fast, and no, I’m not bragging. (Prayer request) The last time I had to request (repeated) help I had a new, and sincere tactic: the male rep who sounded much more interested in actually resolving my issue must have melted my ire some; I thanked him–in advance–for his help, and told him I’d been reduced to a flood of tears (accompanied by audible sniffing). Maybe I sounded like his Aunt Betty, or Granma Sue, because he patiently stayed on the phone with me until I’d calmed down and understood everything he said!!


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