Hotel Canuuk-I-warnedya,Eh? “For The Hook”

As Our Story Begins, we find our mild mannered Captain Bell-Hook assisting   hotel guest as they arrive at the front desk. He politely spiels to the arrivals, a congenial run down of the hotels lay-out, dinner menus, and basic orientation.

As most any day at hotel Canuukiwarned-ya, while there are  a “Few”cheerful paying customers at the desk, the usual heel-hounds  scurry about, sniffing out ways to stiff the hired help, thereby saving themselves a few dollars out of pocket change. Apparently, when some folks decide to stay in a ritzy, better than average hotel spending more on a room for a night than last months rent, they think everything else should be included in the bill.

So, as Captain Bell-Hook seemingly appears preoccupied assisting other guest, little “Chip-Off-The-Old-Skin-Flint” pulls the “make eye contact with mommie dearest” diversion, as dad makes off with the luggage cart  in attempt to save himself $3.00 bucks.

This being the oldest trick in the Gratuity Gangster Game, ole dad chuckles, thinking lil flint slips the bags unnoticed right under Captain Bell-Hook, and the entire hotel staff’s noses.

As the morning progress’s,

the same old shell-games pass numerously, erroneously believed shielded just beneath the staff’s line of vision daily, and all goes on as planned. Just another beautiful morning for the Bellmen, whom we all know would rather be at work, waiting on visiting yuppy, tight wadded transients and their families, than to be at home serving their own.

Around 10:30 A.M. while the hotel lobby thinned out a bit from the hustling crowd, the phone buzzes for service from a room on the ground floor.    Bzzzzz!!!

“Front desk, Hotel Canuukiwarned-ya, Hook speaking, how may I help you”?

A squeaky elderly female voice on the other end squelches out the words: “Young man, I need you to come and repair my microwave oven”. “Okay ma’am; What seems to be the trouble with it”“Well”.   She retorts, “If I knew that I wouldn’t need you to come and fix it”. “Now would I”?  “Ah, no ma’am, I suppose you wouldn’t”. ”I’ll be right there ma’am”.

Just as Captain Bell-Hook hangs up the phone, this little aberration appears in front of the desk, as the sound of giggles, and occasional squeak of a luggage dolly is heard down the left corridor. “Are you gentlemen doing any hiring today”? Little miss bell-booby asked. Bell-Hook, knowing this was just an apparition conjured up via the evil-spirit, ”Red-Herrinnymphus”  by another team of gratuity gluttons, left the desk manager to deal with it, and headed down the right corridor toward the old lady with the microwave issue, purposely choosing not to look left, not wanting to see the inevitable escaping caddy-cart.

As the lady shut the door after inviting Bell-Hook in to take a look at her microwave, the Hook turns and informs the lady; “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but, this is not a kitchenette room, and I will have to take your microwave back to the front desk with me”.  After years of pursuing his career as a professional service person, Bell-Hook thought he had heard every slandering stream of belligerent, belittlement’s known to man…

But, he was wrong.

As he made off down the hall with granny fiery-dart’s flash cooker, he turned to let her know she could pick it up at the desk upon checkout. Unfortunately, he turned just in time to see her fling her evil toaster towards his head with the force of a forward motioned wrecking ball, and never got the words out of his mouth before being eaten alive.

The toaster rolled down the hall end over end at  breakneck speed, before finally coming to rest at the lobby entrance, and spit the Bell-Hook out all warm and toasty.

I said the toaster spit him out all warm and toasty..

I said the toaster spit him out…

well, okay,.. maybe it didn’t spit him out after all,  which means of course, the story now must take a turn in the …






Oh, there he is;

As Captain Bell-Hook’s assistant, “Big Bell-O-Mac”, saw what was taking place he quickly grabbed the phone to call police for obvious needed assistance, as by now little old microwave lady’s granddaughter had arrived at the scene, quite livid at Bell-Hook for taking grannies microwave. Big Bell-O-Mac had barely gotten the word; “Hello” into the phone, when the granddaughter gouged a 10 inch syringe into his leg, pumping in 800 units of green pectin, instantly turning him into a huge pile of mindless jello.



Needless to say, this was about as much as Bell-Hook could take. Still steaming from the toaster oven, he thought better of popping-off and blowing his top all over the place. Instead, as if delivered by some unseen force, a plan to calm everyone down, and get things back on an even keel instantly came to his mind. He remembers thinking to himself; ” I  couldn’t have come up with a better plan if it were written specifically to me on the back of a Crunch Berry box”. While scooping up the plate of lime-jello, that was once his friend, and co-worker, and placing it gently into the mini-fridge behind the front desk, he tells the granddaughter of the oven smuggler she could take the microwave back up to her room.

Once the young lady left, he immediately began tracking the room numbers of all the tip- stiffing, cart stealing, appliance poaching, skin flint guest that had crossed his path since he arrived earlier that morning. He then called them all one by one, informing them it was now 11:45, and seeing as they had been such affable, gracious paying customers, the hotel was treating them to a special “Free-Lunch”  in the restaurant on the second floor.

Never being ones to miss out on a free-lunch, everyone was in the lobby, and ready to go upstairs before the clock chimed high-noon. Exuberantly giddy, in expectation of a free meal, Captain Bell-Hook had little trouble getting them all to pack into the same elevator, ready to ship off in minutes.

“Going Up”?

No sooner than the doors of the elevator closed, Hook was in and out of the phone booth, faster than a silver bullet can kill a vampire, completely transformed from the lowly, mild- mannered Bellman, everyone knew and loved, into  “Captain, You’ve Been Warned,”!!! slammed the joy stick that released the trap-door- floor of the elevator open, sending all aboard plummeting rapidly into the abyss.  A place that no one knows, not I,  not the Hook, not “Captain You’ve Been Warned”, or even the hotel establishment…No one knows where…this place is not even…






...Okay, it's somewhere in Siberia...…Okay, it’s …somewhere in Siberia…

All seemed to be going well the rest of the afternoon, till suddenly, both front glass doors of the hotel were blown in through the lobby at the speed of light. The sudden explosive sound of shattering glass sent patrons fraying across one another, sprawling to the floor, just in time to keep from being ripped, tattered, and torn by millions of lightning speed shards of sparkling glass. To the Hook, who was now peering out from his crouched position, behind the front desk, it looked like some sort of diamonds storm- shot out from a massive cannon.  What was to come through the door next, however,was even more bone chillingly frightening to the Hook, as it was none other than Arch- Nemesis of Captain You’ve Been Warned, herself,              “Paula Deen”!!!

Hook was shaken even more upon learning from the blood curdling question the low country cook screeched, that the little old microwave lady was apparently Paula Deans granny too…

“Where’s my little microwave cooking granny y’aaaall…wut heff  y’all done withh har”? 

Looking over at the Hook, and realizing he was actually Captain “You’ve Been Warned” in a Bell Hop uniform, she screamed; “Why you yellow belly grandma hatein, non-donut eatin scandrawl you, when I git my hands own y’aaall I’m a – gonna sop you up with some maple sir-rip, and eat you alive mister”!!!

By now the news of Paula Deen’s arrival, and intentions to devour the Hook, had reached Mrs. Hook, otherwise known as “Vampire Lover”,  who spread her wings and flew in like an F-22, Stealth Raptor, in hopes to help her husband. She knew even with the assisted super powers of  “Captain You’ve Been Warned” the Hook was no match for the Krispe-Kreme-Burger-Queen by himself.

Swooping in, The Vampire Lover took hold of the Apple – butter, lard Queen , latching onto her neck, and with just one bite collapsed to the floor, an apparent victim of  instant diabetic comma.

The Hook went completely ballistic…  Reaching behind him with both arms, and swinging back around in one fluid motion, letting go of the object he’d grabbed with such a force it took out two stress bearing columns from beneath the ceiling before slamming into Deen, the Low Country Brawler Queen. Suddenly there was a massive explosion, as the entire ground floor of the hotel was coated and filled from ceiling to floor with oozing green slime. In through the holes where the two glass doors once stood, the wind blew fiercely, forming an air pocket. The green slime began to harden, as  squishy, gurgley, popping sounds came from smaller bubbles lining its walls as they burst. Suddenly, one of the smaller bubbles popped sending something flying across the hotel and slamming into the far wall which had already hardened its green slime covering into something the consistency of Super-Ball rubber. The thing shot from the bubble bounced at a high rate of speed from wall to wall, back and forth across the entire span of the hotel lobby at least 20 times like a pin- ball in a rubber room. Suddenly, sticking straight out like an arrow shot from Robin Hoods bow, it came to a vibrating stop, when it stuck into the left




butt cheek of Paula Deen, who in turn fell across the Vampire lover with such a crushing impact that all the air came rushing out of the Vampire Lover, kick starting her breathing again.

As the slime hardened into a buoyant, bouncy, rubbery, cocoon, kids, and adults alike poured into the lobby from all directions, jumping up and down, whooping and laughing, and bouncing around like they were in some sort of a kids inflatable moon-walk castle or something.

Just then, as the Hook cleansed the remaining slime off the thing shot out of the bubble, enough to realize it was his buddy, and co-worker, Big Bell-O-Mac, Paula Deen turned and said;

“Hey, Wut wus that thang you stuck in my laft butt cheek”?

A little reluctant, Big Bell-O-Mac, shrugged, and said…“Erm, it was this 10 inch syringe that crazy niece of yours stuck me with earlier”.

“Hum”.    Deen said.  “I don’t thank I’ve felt this good in three yee-ahs, Ya’ll”.

By now the place had filled with emergency crews, paramedics, firemen, policemen, and even a doctor or two.

“Mrs. Deen, I was a guest on your show a while back”. “Here, let me have a look at you, make sure you’re okay”.  A thin, pale looking lady said.

“Oh, I’m fine Dr. Wilma “.  Deen Said. “Other than the diabeatus thang, I thank I feel better than I have in yee-ahs”. “And by the way, fancy a meetin you here.”

“Yes”. The young lady doctor said. “It is quite the coincidence”. ” Now, let me drawl a little blood from you, and see what effect that stuff  in the syringe may have had “.

“Hmm, Mrs. Deen”. The doctor said after examining the blood on a few strips of Litmus paper, and running it through a hand held meter a few times. “I don’t see any sign of your diabetes, I think you’ve been completely healed”.

“Hehehehe!!! Did Ya’ll hear thaet”? Dean exclaimed. “I’m heaaaald”!!!

“Ya’ll need to bottle that stuff up and sell it as a meeracull quewer or something, ya’ll, in fact…I’m takin a buh-ckit of it home with me and bake me some green cakes, heheheee.”

So, along that time the Hook looks up at the clock on the wall and says to Mrs. Hook. ” Well, babe…it’s quitting time. Time for the shift change. Let’s go home”.

As they strolled arm in arm toward what used to be the front door of the hotel, Hook stops in his tracks upon hearing the chime of the elevator just as it comes to a stop in the lobby. The doors open, and inside stood eight, familiar looking, dirty, half frozen, faces gazing furiously back at him. “What now”? Asked the Vampire Lover. Hook looked at his wife through eyes half glazed over from fright and surprise, and half squinted from holding back the urge of bursting out laughing and says:                                                               





                                   Now back to my favorite pass-time:

She Sails Fare Another Day

To those who sit in darkness; 

Waste deep in the drink of woe.

The light you bring shares life;

A beacon of  glimmering  hope.

You carry the torch not for selfish gain; But, foundering ships avail.

Stranded aground, gurgling sounds, off starboard in the Captains gaze…

Hips be lifted, beams a shifted; Hoist the mainsail Maties!!!

She Sails Fare Another day.

My Sincere Thanks To:  Martha  For Shedding This Wonderful Light On Me… I accept, gratefully.  Those I choose to receive the “Candle Lighter Award” created by Kate Kresse as they have all been a beacon to me in one way or another through their words, sentiments, and friendships are as follows:

Garrick & Mary @ life of


As there are no rules, or stipulations regulating administering this Award, other than to offer it to any, and as many beacons of  light you feel worthy, I will certainly be adding more sites to the list at a later time. There are many of you who have received this Award, and though there is no limit on how many one can accept, I think our loyal reading, and commenting lets us know who’s who in the bloggerhood…  So Much Love…       So little Time. Bless You all, and again many thanks to: Martha@in Love w/the LORD  and  Kate@believe- anyway


Flowers From A Friend

I  received a wonderful flower from a friend. Actually, I received it way back in November. I think..? But, just discovered it.

It was from a crusty old man friend.( Much Like Myself  )And, no, we’re not gay by any means! Just fellow bloggers.

I’m thinking I was either busy with work, or too self- elevated in my blogging zeal at the time to notice something as seemingly frivolous as a flower from a fellow blogger.

But, make no mistake, I knew it was God’s timing when I found it …

Almost three months later, just after my last post.

Oh, how sweet it would bee if we all really spread a few more seeds. Planted a few more ( Organic ) fruits indeed …   For the Bees.  If not, at least, spiritual seeds, one to another, to muse our wings a flight.

So, here are my six (the Award creators recommended number of  recipients:) Though there will probably be more as I love reading so many of your blogs when I can. And certainly love having you visit mine as well.

You are not supposed to present the Award to any previous recipient.

Nor, of course, do you have to actually pass it along…    And, Oh yeah…You are supposed to link the Award Image back to the one who presented it to you, but even that isn’t necessary in my case.

But, I do strongly recommend anyone receiving this gesture to at least tuck it away, somewhere close. You never know when God will have you stop to smell the spirit lifting roses of life.  Or, when you are stopped in your own tracks,

 ..wondering.                      Where did all the flowers go?


Thank You“Harry
















And of Course Cindy

Dark Globe Awards

Several of my favorite Bloggerhood friends have been nominated in 3 categories of the annual Dark Globe Awards. There are less than 3 full days left to cast your votes, please go and place one. Here’s how I voted:

Great stuff to have to make a final choice on, .. But;.. The proof is in the pudding. Except for in Harry’s case and the proof there is in the dribble.

Photographer=#2-La Plume Noire

Writer = #4- Kate Shrewsday

Blogger= #2 Driblingpensioner

Here’s where to see all the nominees, and vote for your favorite, but, of course I already picked the best. Bless You all.  paul

Braised Country Style Ribs

Nothing beats a slow cooked piece of pork on a cool October day.

Oh well, with the temperature outside still @ 87 degrees Fahrenheit at 5 o’clock in the evening in mid October…I guess one out of two ain’t bad.


I actually started this post back in October, ( just before as some of you may remember my computer crashed ) and saved the draft with just this one searing of the meat photo.

That really burns my Veloute…But, The show must go on!!!

So, I have no further imagery of this delectable dish on the current computer, however, I did thankfully add the beginning stage photo before hitting “Save Draft”..And, quite frankly I felt the need to make a quick post tonight, so, thank God for  “Small Miracles”. They usually are the best blessings of all, though I sadly over-look, or forget them all too often and just as quick.

So anyway. As memory serves, I seared these chubby chops slowly in a garlic/rosemary infused extra virgin olive oil, (after lightly dusting them with a mixture of  2 parts all-purpose flour,  1 part Italian bread crumbs, and  1 part instant mashed potatoes ).

I know it seems all I cook is pork, as it has been two months since I started this post, but, believe me…I cooked a chicken or two since then. Also a few Rib-Eye Steaks, but to be honest I probably lived mostly from breakfast food  (My Favorite) or pastrami and rye, or some Reuben, or Reuben Burger combinations, my second favorite by the way, (one day maybe I’ll disclose my personal recipe for the best Reuben Cole Slaw this side of Moscow)…But, NOT TODAY!!!

Oh man…I need a photo image here…I’m JONESING for my lost photos of this meal!!!

But, since a picture speaks a 1000 words, there’s really no reason for me to drag this out all night trying to – with a mere 120 characters…So, I’ll borrow someone Else’s picture to show you what I felt like my dish turned out to look and taste like..Yeah, that’s the ticket…

Oh Shucks..I think I finally did it.. I’m back online…I think?

THANK GOD THANK GOD THANK GOD!!!After a week of working on this thing, I think I’m back online….

But then… Who the Hell Knows!!!


Possibly My Most Well Written Post/Poem Ever… WHITE NOISE

Seven Links, Seven Post, Seven Blogs

I found a link back in one of my comment sections yesterday simply stating; ” You’ve Been Tagged” The link was from, Jamie Anne, @ Dash of Domestic.   I’m not sure that it is required, though as it not only is a great way to showcase, and spread a little exposure to some otherwise, all but forgotten post, and provides for a rather quick and interesting “New Post” in these busy times, I’m passing the challenge on to 7 other people in thebloggerhood.

Oh, I just re-read the challenge  standard at Dash of Domestic, and there are only 5 suggested recipients for me to “Tag”. But, I like the number 7… So, 7 Post, 7 Links, and 7 of you will soon be tagged to do the following:

List and showcase 1 post for each of these categories, and then pass the challenge on to 5 …or 7 other bloggers:

  • #1 Your Most Beautiful Post (in your opinion)
  • #2 Your Most Popular Post ( per stat views)
  • #3 Your Most Controversial Post ( per reality)
  • #4 Your Most Helpful, or “How To” Post
  • #5 Your Most Surprisingly Popular  Post
  • #6 Your Post That Didn’t Get the Attention It Merited.
  • #7 Your Magnum Opus ( post you are most proud of  )

Here are my selections:

#1 Most Beautiful Post= “Shannon’s Song A song I wrote based on a true story of a little girl who’s mother and  father were on the Maury Povich Show, back in 2001. The little girl sadly, was in the hospital in dire need of a specific chromosome that only her biological father could produce to save her life. The man Shannon, knew as her daddy since she was born was tested on the Povich show, and along with the Mother, Maury, Me, and I am sure Millions of other viewers, was shattered, and melted into a puddle of disbelief and tears, at Maury’s words;” Joe, you are Not the father“. I never heard anything more of what became of poor little “Shannon“, but, as the mother, who admittedly had been so promiscuous prior to settling down with Joe, had no idea of how many men she had been with, nor how to contact any of them, the prognosis was not good by the end of the program. How? You are probably asking, can I possibly choose this as my “Most Beautiful” post. Simply, by the time I prayerfully finished writing “Shannon’s Song” I had the most beautiful feeling of peace, in that, if the identity of Shannon’s real daddy was not discovered, I know, Shannon’s real Father, and Creator, took her home to be with Him.

#2 Most Popular Post= “Who’s the Real Pawn Star Here”?

Based on what turned out to be the “History Channel’s” most popular TV series to date.

#3 Most Controversial Post= “What Time Is It“?

#4 Most Helpful Post= Roll the Stone Away  (Actually an 8 part series

# 5 Surprisingly Successful Post =”Victory met defeat though her discovery promises a victorious sweep“.   A Nautical Tale of the English, 1737 shipwreck of the HMS Victory:   with 247 views within hours after posting it.

# 6 Post That Didn’t Get The Attention It Deserved=   RECIPE: 2 cps Buster Keaton, 2 cps Bill Nye, 3 cps Joel Robuchon: 1.blend, 2.roll onto pan, 3. bake: ‘”Voila’” 1 “Alton Brown”


# 7 Post You Are Most Proud Of = Okay, I Have To Break The Rules And Post 2 Here:

 History=Colony Lost From The Start 

Poem= From Just Outside  Of Time

And Now The Seven Lucky Bloggers Are:


Kate Shrewsday

Bodhirose’s Blog

Nurse Myra


Selma in the City

The Hook

Make that 8!!!

The Water Witches Daughter

Number 9 Number 9 Number 9

Laughing Housewife

10 is a good number!!!

Baking With Sibella

11 is almost heaven…at least, it’s dancing with the stars


What the heck I can’t leave Cindy Out, even if she is rushed with traffic, let alone Gordo Rambo. Number 12 is the perfect Governing Number of the Universe!!

The Only Cin

Thirteen was always my lucky number…

From the Pews

14 is 7 x 2 =   KitchensGarden

15? = Take a Picture…it’ll last longer….


God Is So Good!!!

This Is Not My Home

#17 A great place to learn new South of the boarder, and Panamanian recipes: and a new blogger friend ( Blue Jelly Beans )

#18, the more the merrier… fostercitynewblog

#19 Trapperhoney from West By God Virginia ( currently known as Ink Yarn and Tears)

Versatile Blogger Award

I received theVersatile Bloggeraward from the dribblingpensioner

This apparently means the Old Irish Tater wants to know ” 7 ”  new things

about me that he doesn’t already know, so he will be able to play elaborate

jokes on me 6 times worse than this one!!! I’m Joking.   I’m very honored he 

appreciates our brief, but,  delightfully humorous blogging relationship

enough to include, and display my blog and link on his site, and therefore

I will also be paying – forward the award to as many sites as I can think of

who have been loyal to sharing one another’ s blog content, comments, and

like button. Just as “Harry” pointed out , if your site isn’t one of the links, it

is not because I don’t like your site. Most will be new sites, as those of us who

loyally comment, and frequent one another’s sites, already have links seen

there by  pretty much the same people. So, now, after I disclose seven secrets

which:  If I tell you I will have to kill you, about myself, I will be posting some

     Links to sites,  Who wants to be first?   Just Kidding!!!    


Now, Where Was I?

Oh Yeah, I have to

tell 7 things about


Okay,  first off,  I’m a 52 year old happily un-single  man. I cook to live, and live to cook in a local fine-dining  establishment. Obviously, I love to write. I also write, sing and play songs, ( though not as much as I once did ) I write Poems, Historical documents, especially pertaining to Maritime, and all things Nautical. I have a 26 year old daughter, and an almost three year old grandson who is almost 5 years old in length. My Phone number is BR5-49, and my bank account # is5610…nah, you wouldn’t want that anyway. That should about do it. Now, let’s get onto the more important stuff!!!                               Posting Your Sites

 Prenins Little Page

The Hook

Kate Shrewsday

My Life Such As It Is

Musing By MoonLight

Selma In The City

The Only Cin

Lavender and Lime

The Laughing HouseWife

Fig Jam and Lime Cordial

Janna T Writes Blog

View From The Sides


The Complete Cookbook

Nurse Myra

Broken Sparkles


Sweet Carolines Cooking

Life In a Recipe

Baking With Sibella


Agrigirl’s Blog

Rufus’ Food and Spirits Guide

Dash of Domestic


Granny 1947

Water Witches Daughter

Redneck Princes


In case you are not familiar with how this all works…I think you are supposed to download the “Versatile

Don't Blog and Drive!!!

Blogger Badge” and then pass the award on to 15 other sites you like…Have Fun

Paul Willis-2011

Magpie_1950’s smiley#1

msparrie’s thinking smiley