The rain we saw pouring down.
Drops bigger than clouds.
The morning sun shone through the rift of the blinds one morning, and my semi-conscious mind must have processed the red-eyelid-grid it saw as the fret-board of a cosmic stringed instrument. I began hearing the most beautiful music I have ever heard, as my mind’s eye watched each glistening sun-ray pluck the strings. I remember being astonished by its dexterity, and melodic perfection. Upon awakening, I tried to duplicate the notes I had heard, and saw, on my guitar—If only I could remember them note for note.— From what little I was able to remember, and attempt to simulate on the fret-board, the notes seemed impossible to play in one key. Almost as if each note came from one of the 24 individual keys of the musical spectrum. It totally seemed to of been an impossible dream— But, what if all dreams came true? I thought, and then it was gone…
I was standing on a sea-shore, in some far away place beyond the familiar sea, where nothing looked real, or resonated with me. There were neon colors, and bird-like creatures. Lifelike, but surreal. I perceived them with all 5 senses at once. I felt, tasted, heard, smelled, and saw them — from one sense of awareness — at once. I wanted to talk to them, so I tried to open my mouth, instead my eyes opened. And I awakened. It was over… What if all dreams came true?
I heard the phone ring as I was walking in through a large glass door leading to a hallway between two rows of desks occupied by dogs with huge human like grins, when suddenly one of them leaped out at me and said… “You Won The Lottery” — But, then, of course, I woke up.
I dreamed I was in a terrible hurricane, worse than any of the ones I’ve experienced first hand on the Carolina coast. It was terrifying. Water started moving in beneath my feet, and gradually rose to the level of my chin. Suddenly, a tidal wave came crashing over me, the town, and everyone, and everything, as far as I could see. And, then I woke up — But, what if every dream really did come true? Or. What if some really are warnings? What if we knew that every dream would come true? What If every dream did come true?
Grinning Dog ?
From times of Colonial script ─ troubles, of Indian lore ▒ A people then called “driftwood ,” along southern swamps and shores.
Strong enough to fight when pushed─ brave enough to stand. Smart enough to live in peace─for a piece of what was once their land.
They fought one side or the other, in every “New World” war─ vested forthwith, the only gift ─ black-water, and the gift to drift no more.
“Coharie Slough” Hand Carved Snake wrapped forked Bass Wood Branch with Dream Catcher… Snake carved from woody river vine, Gator head carved into the Bass limb, and the spear head carved out of Red Cedar. Bass Wood and Cedar stained with Red Oak, for the deeper, darker tones, and the snake stained with Natural. All leather is genuine leather made in Italy, including the wrapping on dream catcher. Comes with faux Eagle feathers, and two dancer bells. ( Inspired by the Coharie Tribe)
Today’s internet is, as most of us know, literally “Crawling” with waggling, viral marketing fish bait. It’s not that advertising is a bad thing either. It’s just that among all the flashy lures, cures, tours, and plugs, it can be all too easy for the average internet user to forget, or overlook the reality of “Thugs”‘.
Scams are so rampant in today’s information highways, and buy- ways, that, ironically, innocent sounding titles have been tagged them to distinguish their designated target venues. Continue reading
So? What’s the big argument in the largest Christian (Protestant) denomination in the United States, of over 16 million members? What’s the real question at hand? Is it-“Should they change their historically racial biased sounding name from “Southern Baptist” to something more “Tolerant,” and inviting”? Continue reading
I love Jesus, Mama, Granny, and Pa.
Daughter, Grandson, Sisters… My Darling Wife who gives her all.
My daddy, and…. a whole lot of cousins I barely ever knew.
I loved music, horses, cooking and dogs.
Cats adopted me, so, I fed their cause,
Actually found myself in love with them, allergies, paws and all.
How awesome they’ve all been… Why now do I see stained glass
Yet, only an audience of two?
The “One” he danced for, was all the inspiration he needed to perform,
Though, the one peering from the window above in disdain, saw not the Art at all.
Sitting low the hips, lading alcohol filled casks, for makers di vino, its designated task.
Sculling she was, sails torn but full, almost scudding, but yawning for sure.
Hailing at berth, 400 aloof, Captain Morehouse’s suspicions were soon met with the truth, that the “Mary Celeste” had lost her family and crew.
A tragic yarn of Mary Celeste’s entire crew, Captain Briggs, his wife and daughter can be Continue reading
As Our Story Begins, we find our mild mannered Captain Bell-Hook assisting hotel guest as they arrive at the front desk. He politely spiels to the arrivals, a congenial run down of the hotels lay-out, dinner menus, and basic orientation.
As most any day at hotel Canuukiwarned-ya, while there are a “Few”cheerful paying customers at the desk, the usual heel-hounds scurry about, sniffing out ways to stiff the hired help, thereby saving themselves a few dollars out of pocket change. Apparently, when some folks decide to stay in a ritzy, better than average hotel spending more on a room for a night than last months rent, they think everything else should be included in the bill.
So, as Captain Bell-Hook seemingly appears preoccupied assisting other guest, little “Chip-Off-The-Old-Skin-Flint” pulls the “make eye contact with mommie dearest” diversion, as dad makes off with the luggage cart in attempt to save himself $3.00 bucks.
As the morning progress’s,
the same old shell-games pass numerously, erroneously believed shielded just beneath the staff’s line of vision daily, and all goes on as planned. Just another beautiful morning for the Bellmen, whom we all know would rather be at work, waiting on visiting yuppy, tight wadded transients and their families, than to be at home serving their own.
Around 10:30 A.M. while the hotel lobby thinned out a bit from the hustling crowd, the phone buzzes for service from a room on the ground floor. Bzzzzz!!!
“Front desk, Hotel Canuukiwarned-ya, Hook speaking, how may I help you”?
A squeaky elderly female voice on the other end squelches out the words: “Young man, I need you to come and repair my microwave oven”. “Okay ma’am; What seems to be the trouble with it”? “Well”. She retorts, “If I knew that I wouldn’t need you to come and fix it”. “Now would I”? “Ah, no ma’am, I suppose you wouldn’t”. ”I’ll be right there ma’am”.
Just as Captain Bell-Hook hangs up the phone, this little aberration appears in front of the desk, as the sound of giggles, and occasional squeak of a luggage dolly is heard down the left corridor. “Are you gentlemen doing any hiring today”? Little miss bell-booby asked. Bell-Hook, knowing this was just an apparition conjured up via the evil-spirit, ”Red-Herrinnymphus” by another team of gratuity gluttons, left the desk manager to deal with it, and headed down the right corridor toward the old lady with the microwave issue, purposely choosing not to look left, not wanting to see the inevitable escaping caddy-cart.
As the lady shut the door after inviting Bell-Hook in to take a look at her microwave, the Hook turns and informs the lady; “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but, this is not a kitchenette room, and I will have to take your microwave back to the front desk with me”. After years of pursuing his career as a professional service person, Bell-Hook thought he had heard every slandering stream of belligerent, belittlement’s known to man…
But, he was wrong.
As he made off down the hall with granny fiery-dart’s flash cooker, he turned to let her know she could pick it up at the desk upon checkout. Unfortunately, he turned just in time to see her fling her evil toaster towards his head with the force of a forward motioned wrecking ball, and never got the words out of his mouth before being eaten alive.
The toaster rolled down the hall end over end at breakneck speed, before finally coming to rest at the lobby entrance, and spit the Bell-Hook out all warm and toasty.
I said the toaster spit him out all warm and toasty..
I said the toaster spit him out…
well, okay,.. maybe it didn’t spit him out after all, which means of course, the story now must take a turn in the …
As Captain Bell-Hook’s assistant, “Big Bell-O-Mac”, saw what was taking place he quickly grabbed the phone to call police for obvious needed assistance, as by now little old microwave lady’s granddaughter had arrived at the scene, quite livid at Bell-Hook for taking grannies microwave. Big Bell-O-Mac had barely gotten the word; “Hello” into the phone, when the granddaughter gouged a 10 inch syringe into his leg, pumping in 800 units of green pectin, instantly turning him into a huge pile of mindless jello.
Needless to say, this was about as much as Bell-Hook could take. Still steaming from the toaster oven, he thought better of popping-off and blowing his top all over the place. Instead, as if delivered by some unseen force, a plan to calm everyone down, and get things back on an even keel instantly came to his mind. He remembers thinking to himself; ” I couldn’t have come up with a better plan if it were written specifically to me on the back of a Crunch Berry box”. While scooping up the plate of lime-jello, that was once his friend, and co-worker, and placing it gently into the mini-fridge behind the front desk, he tells the granddaughter of the oven smuggler she could take the microwave back up to her room.
Once the young lady left, he immediately began tracking the room numbers of all the tip- stiffing, cart stealing, appliance poaching, skin flint guest that had crossed his path since he arrived earlier that morning. He then called them all one by one, informing them it was now 11:45, and seeing as they had been such affable, gracious paying customers, the hotel was treating them to a special “Free-Lunch” in the restaurant on the second floor.
Never being ones to miss out on a free-lunch, everyone was in the lobby, and ready to go upstairs before the clock chimed high-noon. Exuberantly giddy, in expectation of a free meal, Captain Bell-Hook had little trouble getting them all to pack into the same elevator, ready to ship off in minutes.
No sooner than the doors of the elevator closed, Hook was in and out of the phone booth, faster than a silver bullet can kill a vampire, completely transformed from the lowly, mild- mannered Bellman, everyone knew and loved, into “Captain, You’ve Been Warned,”!!! slammed the joy stick that released the trap-door- floor of the elevator open, sending all aboard plummeting rapidly into the abyss. A place that no one knows, not I, not the Hook, not “Captain You’ve Been Warned”, or even the hotel establishment…No one knows where…this place is not even…
All seemed to be going well the rest of the afternoon, till suddenly, both front glass doors of the hotel were blown in through the lobby at the speed of light. The sudden explosive sound of shattering glass sent patrons fraying across one another, sprawling to the floor, just in time to keep from being ripped, tattered, and torn by millions of lightning speed shards of sparkling glass. To the Hook, who was now peering out from his crouched position, behind the front desk, it looked like some sort of diamonds storm- shot out from a massive cannon. What was to come through the door next, however,was even more bone chillingly frightening to the Hook, as it was none other than Arch- Nemesis of Captain You’ve Been Warned, herself, “Paula Deen”!!!
Hook was shaken even more upon learning from the blood curdling question the low country cook screeched, that the little old microwave lady was apparently Paula Deans granny too…
“Where’s my little microwave cooking granny y’aaaall…wut heff y’all done withh har”?
Looking over at the Hook, and realizing he was actually Captain “You’ve Been Warned” in a Bell Hop uniform, she screamed; “Why you yellow belly grandma hatein, non-donut eatin scandrawl you, when I git my hands own y’aaall I’m a – gonna sop you up with some maple sir-rip, and eat you alive mister”!!!
By now the news of Paula Deen’s arrival, and intentions to devour the Hook, had reached Mrs. Hook, otherwise known as “Vampire Lover”, who spread her wings and flew in like an F-22, Stealth Raptor, in hopes to help her husband. She knew even with the assisted super powers of “Captain You’ve Been Warned” the Hook was no match for the Krispe-Kreme-Burger-Queen by himself.
The Hook went completely ballistic… Reaching behind him with both arms, and swinging back around in one fluid motion, letting go of the object he’d grabbed with such a force it took out two stress bearing columns from beneath the ceiling before slamming into Deen, the Low Country Brawler Queen. Suddenly there was a massive explosion, as the entire ground floor of the hotel was coated and filled from ceiling to floor with oozing green slime. In through the holes where the two glass doors once stood, the wind blew fiercely, forming an air pocket. The green slime began to harden, as squishy, gurgley, popping sounds came from smaller bubbles lining its walls as they burst. Suddenly, one of the smaller bubbles popped sending something flying across the hotel and slamming into the far wall which had already hardened its green slime covering into something the consistency of Super-Ball rubber. The thing shot from the bubble bounced at a high rate of speed from wall to wall, back and forth across the entire span of the hotel lobby at least 20 times like a pin- ball in a rubber room. Suddenly, sticking straight out like an arrow shot from Robin Hoods bow, it came to a vibrating stop, when it stuck into the left
As the slime hardened into a buoyant, bouncy, rubbery, cocoon, kids, and adults alike poured into the lobby from all directions, jumping up and down, whooping and laughing, and bouncing around like they were in some sort of a kids inflatable moon-walk castle or something.
Just then, as the Hook cleansed the remaining slime off the thing shot out of the bubble, enough to realize it was his buddy, and co-worker, Big Bell-O-Mac, Paula Deen turned and said;
“Hey, Wut wus that thang you stuck in my laft butt cheek”?
A little reluctant, Big Bell-O-Mac, shrugged, and said…“Erm, it was this 10 inch syringe that crazy niece of yours stuck me with earlier”.
“Hum”. Deen said. “I don’t thank I’ve felt this good in three yee-ahs, Ya’ll”.
By now the place had filled with emergency crews, paramedics, firemen, policemen, and even a doctor or two.
“Mrs. Deen, I was a guest on your show a while back”. “Here, let me have a look at you, make sure you’re okay”. A thin, pale looking lady said.
“Oh, I’m fine Dr. Wilma “. Deen Said. “Other than the diabeatus thang, I thank I feel better than I have in yee-ahs”. “And by the way, fancy a meetin you here.”
“Yes”. The young lady doctor said. “It is quite the coincidence”. ” Now, let me drawl a little blood from you, and see what effect that stuff in the syringe may have had “.
“Hmm, Mrs. Deen”. The doctor said after examining the blood on a few strips of Litmus paper, and running it through a hand held meter a few times. “I don’t see any sign of your diabetes, I think you’ve been completely healed”.
“Hehehehe!!! Did Ya’ll hear thaet”? Dean exclaimed. “I’m heaaaald”!!!
So, along that time the Hook looks up at the clock on the wall and says to Mrs. Hook. ” Well, babe…it’s quitting time. Time for the shift change. Let’s go home”.
As they strolled arm in arm toward what used to be the front door of the hotel, Hook stops in his tracks upon hearing the chime of the elevator just as it comes to a stop in the lobby. The doors open, and inside stood eight, familiar looking, dirty, half frozen, faces gazing furiously back at him. “What now”? Asked the Vampire Lover. Hook looked at his wife through eyes half glazed over from fright and surprise, and half squinted from holding back the urge of bursting out laughing and says:
Now back to my favorite pass-time:
“If The Bee Disappeared
Off The Surface Of The Globe ,
Man Would Have Only Four Years
To Live. Can We Believe Such Apocalyptic
Scenarios? Or Do We Blindly Accept The Rebuttals ?
Conglomerate Bankers, Such as Rabobank, Who No Longer
Lend Much Needed Funds To Farmers, Greatly Attributing
To What Is Being Dubbed” Mid- East Astronom-Famine”
Say Einstein’s Claim Is Preposterous, As Do The
Government Sanctioned Agro-Genetic Chem
Company “Monsanto”. But, Just Ask A
Honey Bee. If You Can Find One.
A Honey Of A Bee Is The Bee
Keeper. But, They Too Are
Becoming Extinct, As
It Ain’t Easy Being
Beezy In A Four
Photo By Celi @ KitchensGarden